If There is OneThing I Hate it's Mum Blogs

For the majority of mum blogs that I have read (total two) I spend the entire time that  I am reading wondering "what gives this bitch the know how to dish out parenting advice?" If you have 4 kids, a Phd in child phycology then maybe I'm interested, if you are a proud parent of one and you want to tell me how to "Raise a Happy Child" - go fuck yourself. Seriously. I'm not sure about everyone else but a lot of the time my kids are too busy being assholes to be happy. Here's the solution: TV.

As someone that dosen't read "Mommy Blogs" (I just chucked in my mouth) I thought I had better do some research.  I found some reoccurring themes that I thought I should make-fun of. I'll start with parenting is hard work.

Lady Goo Goo Gaga writes: "But this is the kicker….nobody warns you how difficult it will be with two children." WHAT? parenting is hard work? Actually everyone told you this.  They told us in sex-ed, they told us in every single parenting magazine every to be printed, when your own parents would scream at you "what the hell is the matter with you, bum-holes are not for sharing" you probably could have guessed that parenting was a shitty job. If you haven't figured out that nonstop care for screaming, shit covered, balls of need, is a tough gig, you are a little dim witted. 

Here's something they don't tell you: once you become a parent you immediately turn into a smug, judgey, know-it-all. This really came to my attention this summer while on a girls weekend (no kids!). We were all driving home, hungover happily bitiching about everyone we know,  when somehow the subject was broached about how people without kids "just don't get it, you'll understand once you have kids". What a load of self satisfied bull shit. Can you imagine if career women started freely and expectably gives us mothers advise? "So when you going to start making a little more money?" "Oh, you wouldn't understand how, you have kids". Fucking no thank you, so what gives parents the right to do this to our spinster friends - as if being labeled a spinster at 29 isn't bad enough!