Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Historical Parenting For Assholes: The Romans


Like most of historical accounta, all the information about Roman families comes from elite male sources, like original blogger, Pliny. Elite males havent changed much in the past 2000 years - they were douche bags them too. 

Life for women was pretty much shit, scummy mummies were less important than rad dads. Fathers were real control freaks, having absolute power over the whole family in life, death and everything in between. Fathers were also assholes, when a baby was born it would be laid at his feet, if you picked-up the baby- happy days! if not......oh well the world is over populated anyways. The daily at home life of a stay at home mother actually hasn't changed all that much. If she was rich, she was a lazy bitch with slaves, if she wasn't rich she got stuck with all the shitty jobs we still have to do today. 

Women were often married at 14 to MUCH older scum bag men, thus transferring her potestas (power) from her father to her husband and her husband's family, if her father was a real clever bitch he could remain in power of his daughter even in marriage - she never got to see any of that potestas herself, that would be ridiculous - woman are all stark raving mad! Actually if her husbad were to die she would become in power of herself, as you can imagine this lead to a bad outbreak of pusheddownthestairsitis in ancient Rome. Augustus, the clever fuck, put an end to all this pusheddownthestairsitis by changing the law to both the father and husband having to be dead, apparently daughters are less inclined to murder their fathers than husbands. 






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