Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Guest Blogger: 94 year-old Francis Ulma talks about life with her grandson and her "wretched old turtle dick husband," Wilfred



Me: Francis is an 94 year old (I'm not sure how she is actually, so I though I would be kind and say 94) bat, so we will forgive her for the shitty pixelated picture she sent to go with her blog post. She comes from an age when people though the little light demon inside the camera would steal her sole, so I'll let it slide. 

Francis:
Hi internet dearies!! 

Ooh its so much fun getting back in the computer for the internet. My sweet grandson told me about this web page that talks about being a mommy. And boy hot tits am I good at being a Mommy!!! I’ve raised my grandson since he was three little years old! Now he’s big and strong and lots of girls and guys like him. He goes downtown to a gym that also has a car wash so lots of those little strange looking boys hose down and wax his truck while he pumps some men at the gym. 

I also raised his dad but he is a piece of shit. He moveds away to Oklabama or somewhere. So now its just my grandson and my wretched old turtle dick husband Wilfred!! By lordy is he a bitch in the ass!! 

The other day I walked over to the nice neighbors house to see if they had any yeast cream and what do you know Wilfred is out in their backyard rubbing his crotch all over their dog!! It’s a really nice big dog they have. Hes old and just lays around a lot. I just am so danged mad you know I lay my hairy ass in the bed and dickbutt Wilfred doesn’t even touch it!! He just falls asleep in the toilet playing with his taint hairs and mafferbating to the Field and Stream magazines. That old mummy turd is gonna find himself with no sexy wife if he keeps pushing that shit!!

But oh gosh, I got so off topic! You’ll have to excuse me! I was eating some of that nice cottage cheese from the container and it accidentally spilt down my saggy bitties. They hand down to the bottom of my fupa now so I just used my panties to wipe the cheese off my nipples. 

Anyway, I wanted to share with you internet dearies how to take care of a bitchy shit kid. Sometimes my ass Wilfred just wants to drag himself around the kitchen and ruin the whole place! One day I found him trying to put his little useless winky into the bowl of bacon grease. I slammed the dang nabbed refridgerator door on his and he fell over and knocked over all of the corned beef hash. He is such a rude old fuckin! So what I do is when I want him to spleep and be good I give him a bottle of queef juice. That’s right it works wonders!! I just squat over a big plastic bucket we found down at the Homo Depot and spray away. Then I scoop the juice into a cup and drown that old bitch bastard with it. Shuts him right the heck up. Works every time! 

The other week I caught him out in the front yard peeing all over the newspaper. Good things I just watch the porn on the internet but newspaper are still handy to keep around the house. And old Wilfred horse ass just pissed it all to death! 

The other day I told my dear grandson to just take Wilfred to the Chinese buffet across town and leave him in the corner booth until someone took him home. He didn’t want to do it because he had some jock straps to do at the nice gym but maybe next time. 

My grandson is so sweet, I’m tryings to get him to get me a date with one of the nice sweet sexy booby ladies down from the gym. I gave him a picture of me to show them last year but I haven’t heard anything yet. I sure could go for some sweet young fisting action!!

Anyway I’ve got to go, internet dearies. I’ve got to get my colostomy bag changed before I make roast stuffed dick for dinner. Have a happy day ya’ll!!!

Blesses!!
-F U

Me: Thanks for the insights only age can give, you are more than welcome to come guest blog whenever you like. My fupa doors are always open for you. 

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