Thursday, December 6, 2012

Christmas Gifts For Assholes

1. Pizza Hunt Perfume. All the mem in the world should bust out there Lisa Franke stationary and write a swift thank you note to the mental gymnists over at Pizza Hunt - never again will a man have to ponder what to get the lucky lady in his life for Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day, Steak and Blow Job Day, cos answer solved! 




2. Home Drug test. A nice way to say "you're fucked in the head - in a bad way". 




3. Why not give the gift of anorexia, by dishing out some diet pills to your loved ones?



4. How about you treat yourself to hours of laughter by giving your family, preferable small children, a dick in a box! 



5. Divorce paper. Ho-Ho-Ho Merry Christmas you fat fucking slob, I hope you burn in Hell!!!!!! 



6. The best gifts really tailor to the individual, so how about a nice new shiny gun for the bi-polars in your life?



7. Billy Corgan. I hate this cunt. 




8. A dream diary filled with your own nightly dreams that make absolutely no sense and are not funny or even remotely interesting to ANYONE ELSE. 



9. How about you make a big announcement to the whole family durring Christmas dinner, like you are the mystery Butt Stabber? 



10. A Canadian company is selling cloned samples of Justin Bieber's DNA in pendant necklaces. That sounds like a good idea? Only $120 dollars too!!




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8 comments:

  1. I had a lesbian sex dream about my mate Jane in Lancashire last night...I reckon a few people I know would be interested in that.We were both looking a lot like Bond girls and did it in a British racing green MG on a winding road that led down from a fortified castle...it was fucking hot. IMHO. Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  2. you should write that in ALL your Christmas cards - give the gift of "oh she's a crazy bitch' and "ooohhh sexy lady love"

    ReplyDelete
  3. kinda worried what I'm getting for christmas now but if I had a choice it would be for you to finally confirm, what if i am being honest we have suspected for a while now that you are the mystery butt stabber, its costing me a fucking fortune in underpants.. scuzzy daddy :|

    ReplyDelete
  4. You can't possibly be the Butt Stabber, darling... don't ask me how I know... I just DO, OK?

    ReplyDelete
  5. definatly the butt stabber

    ReplyDelete
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