Thursday, December 6, 2012

History Of The Christmas Tree or How The Baby Jesus Stole Christmas



Way back when, before Christianity, plants, greens and trees has a special place in our early history bros and sis' hearts - especially in the dead of winter - shit was cold and gloomy and everyone was hungry, kids cried because no one had invented In The Night Garden. Well these cheery chaps hung evergreen boughs over there doors. I am inclined to believe that this was a  functioning tradition to keep the damn cold out - however some prefer the more romantic view that it was to keep witches, ghosts, evil sprites and illness monsters out. 

In the Norther hemisphere, as you smart classy bitches will know, the shortest day of the year falls on21st or 22nd of December. May ancient civilizations believed that the sun was something to worshipped - how crude! Didn't they have miniature idols made of gold and the tears of the poor? Any ways the solstice was a celebration because it meant that the days would again become longer. 

The ancient Egyptian worshiped the sun god, Ra, each solstice these funk dudes filled their homes with palm rushes, which symbolized the triumph of life over death. The Druids, Vikings, and every other pre-Christian culture you can thing of did likewise. 

Early Romans marked the solstice with a feast called the Saturnalia in honor of Saturn, go of agriculture, those bitch prolly stole that from the Greeks, the Romans loved to do that. This was also arguably the biggest celebration of the whole Roman social calendar. To mark the occasion  they decorated their homes and temples with evergreen boughs. it is hardly a coincidence that this day was adopted by Christians for their own biggest celebration of the year, the birth of JESUS H CHRIST, even though Bible historian agree that they Bible its self indicated that Jesus was prolly born in August, or November, or maybe May or April - well pretty much ANY month other than December 

The first modern Christmas tree is credited to Germany in the 16th cent, when devote Christinas brought decorated trees into their homes - your guess is as good as mine to why - Christians are cray-cray like that I guess. Some made wooden pyramids and stuck some tacky shit to those. It is widely believed that Martin Luther first added candles to a tree to recapture the glory of the night sky. 





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