Baby Groups Are Torture

Searching for this image was brutal - remind me never to turn into a middel eastern man and commit a political crime, or set my time time machine for the Zhou Dynasty, or Medieval Europe. Better go cleanse my soul with pictures of dogs in hot dog buns

For a lot of new parents baby groups are the only outreach to the real world, so we force ourselves to go to these tortue hell holes. Most of the time the kids don't even like them, don't touch that! Sit down! Basically what happen is a group of adults sit in a circle talking to their kids, who the have put in their sunday best, in their very best moron tone. 

"We should form a ***********Bookstore baby singing group!: - That's the kind of joke you get at these things, and oh who we all laughed at that one, we laughed like we had just seen Bill O-Reilly fall down a manhole. 

It is essentially a blind date, but instead of pimping out yourself, it's your kid.  It's all very awkward and embracing. This is what goes through my mind: 

"My singing has an uncanny similarity to a bag of drowning cats" 

"Oh please baby Jesus make it so the little shit demon from hell doesn't make an appearance" 

"Is that woman giving me a dirty look? Maybe she knows that I have a blog which is essentially just me swearing to my imaginary friends that live inside the computer"

"The way that kids is dressed makes him look like the love child of betsey johnson and David Arquette" 

"she looks cool, maybe she would want to be my friend, probably not you creepy weirdo" 

"Oh good that kids is freaking out, now when mine inevitably does that, it won't be so bad"