Back for another round of guest blogging is Riaz, the dad that likes to fart. To celebrate here is a creepy kid with his, not creepy at all, dead bird.
Riaz:
What the hell goes through the minds of toddlers?
Yesterday I was enjoying my one day of the week that I can sleep in and my 3 year old leaves his bed where his sleeping mother lay beside him (because he came in and kidnapped her at some point during the night), comes to my bed and wakes me up to tell me he wants food.
Maybe if he didn't have responsibilities like I do, food would not be the first thing on his mind. After all, as a responsible adult, I have to urinate, brush my teeth and shower and sometimes shave when I wake up. He, on the other hand, pisses his night time diaper and doesn't care if his mouth smells like rotting apples, so his first priority is food.
I did what any father would do, I told him to go tell his mother. Don't take this to mean that I am a bad parent. I am just not as good at parenting as his mother is so by deferring him to the better parent, I am demonstrating good parenting skills.
Besides, I have read multiple studies published by child care experts who can attest to the fact that a child will not die if he isn't fed first thing in the morning so I know what I am doing?
He then proceeded to take his toy Disney Princess camera (different blog as to why he has a Disney Princess toy camera), place it on my pillow next to my head and then pull the blankets up over it and walk out of my room. Why the hell did he do that? This is not the first time I have seen him or other toddlers do seemingly random and stupid things. I have found my phone in his shoe and toilet paper rolls stacked on dining plates on the floor.
My hypothesis is that their synapses have not fully formed yet and as a result, they are idiots.
Me: contact me if you would like to guest blog and the shittiest, shit blog, for asshole parents and there asshole friends who secretly hate their guts.
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