Sigmund Freud: "I HATE VAGINAS!"

 
For anyone who isn't all that familiar with Freud’s kooky theories he is an example that pretty much sums that shit up. 

Leonardo Da Vinci recounts a memory from his childhood in one of his notebooks: 

"It seems that I was always destined to be so deeply concerned with vultures—for I recall as one of my very earliest memories that while I was in my cradle a vulture came down to me, and opened my mouth with its tail, and struck me many times with its tail against my lips."

From this Freud concluded that Da Vinci had deep repressed memories of "the maternal best" (what ever the fuck that means), some ancient Egyptian symbolism, and the root to the Mona Lisa's cheeky smile. From this Freud also denounced Da Vinci as gay because he secretly was hot for his mother. 

So where did this kooky guy come from? Well as a child Freud resented his father for being “mediocre” and not being able to hold down a steady job – so he took it upon his self to find his own surrogate fathers. Obviously he chose some really nice, normal guys, like: Hannibal, Cromwell and Napoleon.

Freud’s most famous theory, the Oedipus complex, stems from his own experience of having “his libido awakened” by seeing his mother naked on a train when he was two. This is ridiculous, I have two boys and they have erections all the damn daylong. You go to change a nappy and WOW there it is. Getting dressed in the morning POW there is.  have you ever seen a three-year-old trying to pee in the morning? KAPOW pee on the wall. 

So it seems that from the age of two sex would dominate his whole life. In university he dissected more than 400 eels trying to find out if male eels have ball sacks. He probably did this because no one had ever touched his, he didn’t lose his virginity until he was thirty and married.

However, Freud claims that he disliked sex and that it made him want to vomit. This is prolly because he was a great big homo with great big hungry nostrils for the bad shit. Both coke and women have the same effect of gay men – it’s makes their peen go limp. Despite this he somehow managed to knock-up his wife up six times.

He was a total dick to all six of the kids, however, he was an exceptionally creepy fuck to his youngest daughter, Anna.  This daddy daughter team did all kind of fun stuff like talk in detail about here experimentation with masturbation – how do we know this? He published that shit to journals.

I guess we should solute Freud for turning his creepy feelings, oppressed sexuality, and hungry nostrils, into the most successful psychoanalysis’s career ever. So here is to you Sigmund, you creepy fuck.