Remember That One Time When Rad Dad Oliver Cromwell Was Kidnapped By A Monkey?

Oliver Cromwell is probably best remember as the asshole that cancelled Christmas and fucked over the Irish. 

He also look over the as head of state in England as Lord Protector, when the Round-Heads chopped off Charles I's head, however when Cromwell died his shitty kiddie took over and was so shitty they brought the monarch back. Talk about disappointing children!  

Any ways this is about that one time that Oliver Cromwell was kidnapped by a monkey. Oliver Cromwell, puritan, Parliamentarian and all round no-fun guy nearly didn’t make it past his first birthday.  Shorty after his birth (1599) Cromwell and his parents were visiting his Grandfather at his country estate, Hinchingbrooke, it is here that baby Cromwell was abducted by Grandpa Cromwell’s pet monkey. 

Baby Cromwell is said to have been snatched from his cot by the monkey and dragged to the roof under the creature’s furry arm. The record of how the future Lord Protector made his escape has since been lost, though much to the annoyance of Charles I and most of the Irish population of the 1650’s he did.

 

Another fun fact: The Roundheads are said to be named so because of a famous quote from Charles I: 

“That Cromwell looks like he’s been walloped in the fucking face with a damn frying pan! What a big fat roundhead!”  - I may have made that last part up.