I have tried (not very hard) to keep it in the original Dactylic Hexameter - pretty sure that means dyslexicShakespeare
A sculptor notices how all woman are like complete nag bags and total bitches and was all like "hell no".
Pygmalion, sick of that shit, though deep and hard to himself and concluded that ain't nobody got time for that.
So dude created his own lady friend out of ivory (I assume that means the soap) and some other junk he had laying around, like socks and half eaten pizza pops and stuff. Let me tell you: wow, that was beauty!
"I'll have some of that" he said and copped a good old feel.
Pizza pop lady, ummm yeah.
He wispered sweet nothing into that pizza pop ladies's ear, poetic sighs like " Just call me milk, I'll do your body good, I drive a Camaro, I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock, your lucite heals are so delicate, your butt is like Pippa Middelton's after a 6 week yoga retreat ", whatever dude.
He gave this pizza lady totally rocking gifts of shitty impersonal name brand watches and books she totally hates and or had read, maybe 50 Shade because he wanted her to get ideas in her feminist pizza head.
"OH VENUS GRANT ME MY WISH OF TURNING THIS PIZZA POP LADIE INTO A SEXBOT!"
So luckily Venus is in town excepting an award or some shit and is all like : "sure no probs pal. I know I am usually a total asshole, well actually I still am, so here". SHEZAM. Sexbot lady at your service for you sculptor dude Pygmalion.
The cheese melted into flesh and the flesh felt good, almost as good as pizza, but no quite, because that is obviously impossible.
And they lived happily ever after. Well until she was all like "this is the 21st century asshole, I want flowers and a resectable job you fat slob". Then Pygmalion was totally fucked.
(Looking back I think I may have translated pizza wrongly)
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