Whoop! Lazy Post: December Facebook Round-Up

I thought I would put this rambling of nonsense and idiocy together just to remind myself how self satisfied I am. I mean really, any jerk who has a blog must be pretty damn self satisfied, but since my posts lately have been low-brow re-writes of history I though I needed a little sumptin to remind myself that I am a total narcissistic jerk. More importantly to remind YOU that I am like totally with it and junk.

So. BOOM. Hammer Time. Whoop here it is. My top picks of my December FB posts:

"pretty sure I want to sex all over Zooey Deschanel, she's like the prettier, more lovable, funnier, wittier, more talented, richer, better dressed version of every woman I know."

"Oh Geez. Karma is a total asshole. 

Walking home tonight me and the kids spotted the last eclair in the bakery window, so snatched that shit right up. Kids went to bed forgetting all about the pastry of happiness in my bag. So like any good mother I broke out and ate the lot, safe in the knowledge those jerks were tucked up tight in their beds......to my dismay it was a whole-wheat eclair . WHY? WHY! WHY?

I blame the hippies."

"Just fucking great. My toddler is saying "mama get in, mama get in" and pointing at a laundry basket. 

Looks like I will be spending Friday night inside a laundry basket. If anyone offers me "tea" from an empty pot I am so like totally fucking out of here."

"That awful moment when you realise that "those horrifying old bags" on Sex and the City are younger than you. "

"First World problem: when you buy a cute print off some jerk on etsy and it is NOT a standard IKEA frame size...NO.........!"

"It's that time of year when my google history is filled with searches for: "online Aderall supplier", "best laxative", "foods that don't taste like sweaty camel balls that makes you loose the chunk", and every other get skinny quick scheme you can think of."

"All is well in the world: the guy who leaked naked sex shots of Scarlett Johansson just got 10 years of hard time - guy who sells guns to fucked up American kids - pat on the back 

FUCK YOU WORLD - FUCK YOU."


This post makes it seem like I love myself so much that I would take it up the butt for me - really I am just too lazy to write something original. I promise I will regret this self static-fide display of extrovertness just as much as a girl who took it up the butt once the cruel cold light of sober hits me in the jerk hole.