Why Not to Be yourself

I constantly hear people telling other people: "Oh just be yourself", well this is why you shouldn't be yourself - you are a creepy weirdo. 

You probably smoke, drink, swear, pick your nose, pick you bum, have a nervous twitch, have an unbearable desire to turn light switch on-off-on-off, like the word, snot....ssssnnnnnnooooootttttttt, chew your own toe nails, like yo mamam jokes, read Choose Your Own Adventure books, are seriously concerned over Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's relationship, think that eating makes you look fat, have had the same deodorant for 7 years. Cray-cray shit like that. 

Jesus! If you unleashed that to people that you had just met they would be right the fuck out of there. 

So you put on your best Facebook life ( the life you portray on Facebook), smile, laugh at other people's stupid jokes, and say" HEY world, I am a nice, normal person, that normal people would want to have interaction with". When in reality you are just a creepy weirdo. 

Though, In real life you don't think: that person talks too much, that person talks too much about dying in a fire too much, that person just said fuck in a baby group, that person smells like my schizophrenic uncle, that person has a REALLY long hair on their chin - why don't they plunk that shit? 

You thank the sweet baby jesus and sweet fuck that they are a creep weirdo too.