The End Is Nigh! What's The Dilly With The Maya And The End Of The World?

As if this whole Mayan apocalypse business wasn't annoying enough, some jerk has made a meme that has been walking the FaceBook hoe stroll to none stop "thumbs-up" - this tid bit of moronity states: 

"So the Mayans predicted the Apocalypse...Sure didn't see the Spanish coming". 

Well fucktard they sure did, and that was a large portion to the shit pie that caused the Mayan civilization to be destroyed. Actually part of the Mayan mythology was that ancestral god like beings would return in a pre-ordained bloody conquest (the Inca's had a very similar beliefe) - which mean that these poor jerks didn't know whether to repel or welcome the Spanish. Well shit Sheila!

Any ways the rest of this post will be dedicated to why we think that Mayans predicted an apocalypse, and clear up all the mess regarding calendars and whatever it is people WRITE ABOUT IN CAPS ON FACEBOOK. 

(Via BBC History Mag December 2012). 

Ipsos conducted a poll this year which found that 10% of the population is too dumb to function in day-to-day life by believing that the world is going to either come to a complet end in a shower of brimstone and fire, or a New-Age style global transfermation is going hit us right in the jerk hole. 

So lets start at the beginning: Who were the Mayans?  BBC is quick to point out we should ask: Who ARE the Mayans - as there are several million Mayans walking around today doing normal shit like not predicting the end of the world as we know it and mostly just praisen' Jesus like the rest of South America. 

The Mayan civilization dates back to about 2000 BCE, by about 300 BCE they had become what people today tend to think of when they think of Mayan - However this civilization didn't just disappear, as Hollywood has us believe. From about 900 AD the Mayans went into decline, likely due to local disputes. Then Europe came and shit got real bad.     

What's the dilly with 2012 Mayan dudes? The Mayans had several different calendars based around agriculture cycles but also what is know as the "Long Count Calendar" (5,126 of our modern years - remember these year we use now are relatively modern  ).  So as some of you smart classy bitches have figured out - 2012 is when that Long Count Calendar runs out  (YOU: "what about leap years? ME: Who knows, it's all bullshit any ways).

However, this calendar was likely created about 2000 years ago - not 5,126, so there is some evidence of what happened the last time the clock was re-sett - fuck all, that's what happened. The Mayan's built a few statues, but as professor Hammond (Boston University) says "not many". In fact there is no evidence at all that suggests that the Mayan gave two shits about the last re-sett and even less about 2012.  

So why is my damn Facebook feed full of crap about this? Well doomsday visions are a pretty Old World kind of a thing - Christians LOVE doomsday. Exhibit A: the Bible, Exhibit B: William Miller , Exhibit C: They year 2000 - so it kind of looks like this whole mess got started from the Western World fixation and tradition with the end of the world. Factors such as the technological advancement of the Mayans compared to other indigenous people encountered by inquisidores, and this myth that the Maya civilization just vanished into magic pixie dust and unicorn glitter farts of whatever likely also helped to bring this apocalypse hoopla about too. 

So what are the Mayan people planning 21st December? "People are gearing up for this to b a great tourism moment" says Matthew Restell. 

So CHA-CHING Mayan duded.  

Like us on Facebook to hear about new posts