The jokes Write Themselves: Honey Boo Boo

Via: Towleroad 

Alright I am not really in the game of making fun of retarded kids from poor upbringings (unless they are mine of course). However, Honey Boo Boo refuses to let the damn internet and the assholes that run it forget her! 

Some prick, Mosaic portrait artist Jason Mecier has completed 50 hours of work on a Honey Boo Boo Portrait made from trash - now you see where I am coming from. 

*Highlights include two cans of hair spray, three tiaras, make-up, mascara, fake eyelashes, coupons, sketti, butter, ten cheese balls, two Red Bulls, one Mountain Dew, a McDonald's chicken nugget, a pink Snuggy box, an empty toilet paper roll, one cabbage patch doll and a jar of Pigs Feet. No roadkill was injured during the making of this portrait!

Below is the cinegraphic master of the century *entre ar your own risk* . The Texas T-rex better start chowing down, because the Oscars have their winner for every category. 

Kids: They Are Either A Fucking Plank Of Wood Or A God Damn Limp Noodle

Kids have some kind of super power that enables them to either be a concrete block or turn themselves into liquid form. Crafty fuckers are good at stalling and making your life hell. 

JESUS! This amazing ability that they have seems to only come out when you are trying to get them in a car seat, and preferably infront of an audience of judgy peers. 

PARTENT: "OK lovey, were going in the car" 

KID: "Fuck you! Imma going to be a plank of wood and make it physically imposible for you to cram me into that harness unless you break my bones, muthafucka". 

PARENT: "OK, get out love bug, you just stand here while I adjust the straps"

KID:"  Double fuck you, Imma going turn myself into liquid and lose the ability to stand on my own - I'm a fucking over cooked noodle - asshole, and the dirty concret floor of this parking lot is where I am going collapse" 

Kids are asshole - so my advise is to just break those fucking bone and get them in that damn seat - they fucking asked for it! - don't actually, prolly best to just get in your Way-back-when machine and use a condom. 

Don't Look At Me! I'm Not A Slut! Say's The Girl In The See-Through Slut Dress

So here's K-Stew in a see-though dress looking like a hoe bag, while telling people she isn't a hoe bag who lets married men munch on her box in a public parking lot . Kirsten also likes to whine a lot about how she hates the publicity of fame, liking it to rape. So here she just trying to be a wall flower at the fucking premiere of the shittiest mega movie of the pat 10 yeas in a real sensitive demur dress that she most likely borrowed from Emily Bronte or a elementary school librarian. 

Well played K-Stew, wearing that slut dress then messing with our minds by wearing granny panties under - is she a slut? Or is she a granny? Maybe she's just a slutty grannie wannabe. 

I also recently read that Kirsten Steward is creeped out by fan fiction (based on her Twilight character) 50 Shades of Grey - Well K-Stew you give me the heebbie-jeebies, so I guess they got that character right. 

Holy Hell! Dave Foley Got Fat

For anyone that doesn't know what the Kids in the Hall are, it's like the funnier, less celebrity watered down, version of Saturday Night Live, I will also assume you aren't Canadian or know any Canadians, because we love this shit and pay holy sacrifice to these guys and if you try and tell a Canadian that the chicken lady isn't real you are likely to get you block knocked off. 

Of all the Kids in the Hall, Dave was always the hottest in drag, and most Candian men would totally get some stank on the old hang low if they were caught in an Alberta blizzard, so my eye holes got a full load of shock while I came across Dave's IMDB photo. Dave's put some chunk on, and it don't look good. Dave's on his way to topping the old men who look like lesbians poll . I guess what I am saying is that Dave still makes for a hot lady, if not such a hot man anymore. 

It's always super weird when one of the kids in the Hall show up in a show, like when Kevin was pretending to be Detective Streudler on Arrested Development or listening to Elaine Benes fall in live with Dave on a Bug's Life, it's like seeing a friend on the news or Cops, or something. 

Trying to pick a clip for this post was harding than figuring out who to route for in Game of Thrones, I mean I get that the Starks are the good guys, but I like Peter Dinklage more, and I think Daenerys need to hurry the fuck up and get to Westros, any ways  it was a hard decision on which clip to use. So here is a montage of Dave Foley in drag followed by my favorit. 

I'm sad this post is over, I haven't thought long and hard about HITH for too long. I miss these guys. 

Slug killer

Stepped on a slug in my kitchen yesterday, so renamed my feet "Happy Feet - Slug Killers". My boyfriend did not like it one bit when Happy Feet- Slug Killer invaded his face space. 

The Anual Leonardo di-catch-a-ho Parade Took Place This Week

I don't really know what the point of the Victoria Secrets fashion show is, other than a parade of possible leonardo Dicaprio dates. Who buys this shit? Any ways here are these bitches seen cat walking right out the KACW window (unfortunately not into you life - just into my weekly popular posts) 

So here is the story: some hot Amazon type chicks walked down a perturbing plank of 2 x 4s in underwear and didn't fall on their asses - well done. Glad that myself and the world has our priorities straight. 

How To Make A Lanter Out Of A Wine Box - For Obvious Classy Mums, Who Have A Lot Of Wine Boxes Hanging Around

This is my own invention and I am very proud of it - prouder than any of the little shits I gave birth to!

T